Good Housekeeping

by Landspeedrecord!

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released January 1, 2002

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Landspeedrecord! Baltimore, Maryland

LandSpeedRecord! was founded in 1996, a combination of the Baltimore post-punk bands OCTOPUS, GLAZERIDE, and BUTTSTEAK. LandSpeedRecord! is the parental unit and mental health physician of front person/guitarist Charley Jamison, drummer Marc Berrong, bassist Thomas Stehr, guitarists/noise-ists Ron Spencer and Nathan Bell. ... more

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Track Name: Paxil Song
THE PAXIL SONG

Right Face. I need chemicals.
You're a bring down. Gimme what I want.

Down the never ending
soul descending
take me back to
where you got it from.

Right Face. I need chemicals.
You're a bring down. Gimme what I want.

That's no way to treat fucking mohommad.

Right Face.
I need chemicals.

Someone's coming. I don't know why
they check each hour. why do they even try?
I'm not moving from this place until
you bring me a fucking mountain of Paxil.

Right Face. I need chemicals.
You're a bring down. Gimme what I want.

That's no way to treat fucking mohommad.

Right Face.
I need chemicals.
Track Name: Robotic Pornographic Queen
ROBOTIC PORNOGRAPHIC QUEEN

Oh maybe I've walked into the heart of the beast.
Just maybe you're the one I like the least.
You really, you really ought to let it in.
'Cause it's static and static always always wins.
My robotic pornographic queen.

Keep the calls coming in. Maybe we can
Keep the calls coming in. Maybe we can close the distance.

It's not masturbation if you're here with me.
Keep stroking, you'll get there eventually.
I'm not helping 'cause that's not what I'm all about.
I've succombed and static's all that's coming out.

Keep the calls coming in. Maybe we can
Keep the calls coming in - Maybe we can close the distance.
Track Name: Personal Safety
PERSONAL SAFETY

How much is your personal safety worth?
It's not worth what you think it is.
Two club. dead bolt. Home security system.
And still your nerves begin to give.

Overhead of the public project housing the helicopter begins to whirr.
It's spotlight shakes in a cynical dance that
the crowd has seen a thousand times before.

The cancer is growing old.
The cancer is growing old.

Inside the car I have the hands of a surgeon.
Screwdriver ignition cruise control.
But the car stops dead and I'm left with no transport
and I've got nowhere to go.

Please release me - make me better than you.
Please rebuild me - make me smarter than you.

The police have switched to a glock with no safety
an all around better gun.
Life is a video game and a movie.
Please turn it off when you are done.

How much is your personal safety worth?
It's not worth what you think it is.

Please release me - make me better than you.
Please rebuild me - make me smarter than you.
Track Name: Accident
ACCIDENT

They put a toothbrush shiv into his tiny hands
but takin' it to the hoop wasn't exactly what he had planned.
There's a lot you could learn from a rock and a hard place when you're doing some serious jailtime
and your cellmate is a childmolester and he wants to read you some serious nursery rhymes.

It was supposed to look like an accident,
It was supposed to look like an accident,
It was supposed to look like an accident
but it looked like a fucking wreck to me.

I already know, I already know you been pressurized.
???? But Mr. Maytag he got equalized.
In the shower cinderella showed a fella the electric shocka - he fried and then he nearly died.
But in a twist of criminal justice prince charming croaked so then cinderella sat in his cell and cried.

It was supposed to look like an accident,
It was supposed to look like an accident,
It was supposed to look like an accident
but it looked like a fucking wreck to me.

The moral of the story is do the wrong thing because it's the right thing to do.
If you have to snuff a snitch you get props and a blue bag or two.
There's a lot you could learn from a rock and hard place when you're doing some serious jailtime
and your cell mate's a diaper sniper and he wants to read you some serious nursery rhymes.

If you always think exactly what you ought you will always get what you always got.

It was supposed to look like an accident,
It was supposed to look like an accident,
It was supposed to look like an accident
but it looked like a fucking wreck to me.
Track Name: Count Me Out
COUNT ME OUT

Open up the sealed envelope.
The non-existant information you requested is inside.
It's color coded. And specially flavored.
As per your responses on the questionairre you filled out
unknowingly.

Peel away the layers of packaging
past cellophane, plastic, cardboard, to the empty core.
You're so ecstatic to recieve nothing.
You had to buy it all on credit but it's guarenteed to last you
forevermore. But maintaining it's a chore.

No one is solid.
We all exist in layers.
We serve our functions.
Then we die off in pairs.
Count me out.

Include me in your one time offering.
There won't be another chance for me to feel like I belong.
I just want to fit in.
I want to be wanted.
Here's my PIN - so count me in for the presence of
the everlasting void. Where we start and where we're destroyed.

No one is solid.
We all exist in layers.
We serve our functions.
Then we die off in pairs.
Track Name: Invisible and Invincible
INVISIBLE AND INVINCIBLE

I used to think that
you were invisible.
No one could see you at all.

I used to think that
I was invincible.
No one could hurt me at all.

But it's just a matter of varying degrees
whether I'm on my feet or living on my knees.

It's a birth defect baby.
Give it up to science.
The creators of thalidamyde
and the household appliance.

I used to think that you were disposable.
No one would miss you at all.

I'm not invicible
but you're indestructible.
No one can change you at all.

So it's just a matter of varying amounts.
It's the gradual increase in the invisible that counts.

Because it's a death rattle honey.
Give it up to science.
The creators of thalidamyde
and the household appliance.

I used to think that you were invisible.
No on could see you at all.
I used to think that you were invisible.
No on could see you at all.

I used to think that I was invincible.
Track Name: Alicia Silverstone Shame Spiral
ALICIA SILVERSTONE SHAME SPIRAL

On the one hand you've got something on your mind
and it seems like the perfect time to let you know
that you seem to be stuck inside a loop that goes
around and round; always seems to drag you down.
Morons marching two by two by two by two by two by two.

Liposuction, I feel like a new man.
I got it cause it compliments my fake tan.
It's such a great plan!

On the one hand you've got something on your mind
and it seems like the perfect time to let you know
that you seem to be stuck inside a loop that goes
around and round; always seems to drag you down.
Morons marching two by two by two by two by two by two by
Stuck in an Alicia Silverstone
Stuck in an Alicia Silverstone
Stuck in an Alicia Silverstone
Stuck in an Alicia Silverstone
Stuck in an Alicia Silverstone
Stuck in an Alicia Silverstone
Stuck in an Alicia Silverstone
Stuck in an Alicia Silverstone
Stuck in an Alicia Silverstone
Stuck in an Alicia Silverstone
Stuck in an Alicia Silverstone
Stuck in an Alicia Silverstone
shame spiral. Turn out the light.

That's gross.
Track Name: I Am Sharon Tate!
I AM SHARON TATE!

If you stare at anything too long the colors blur and drain
and what used to be so wonderful seems horrible and plain.
It's a fucked up world you're living in thinking that's really real.
I would feel sorry for you but you told me that I bore you.

So you made your own bed and you have to die in it.
Its uncomfortable for me to watch you roll around, roll around,
roll around in your own piss and shit.

The grass is all the same shades of green.
Don't stare at any spot too long. I think you know what I mean.
It's obscene but it's a fact:
If you stab me in the back and stare at where I've bled
all the reds turn to a pale shade of gray.

Does that make the blood go away?

So you made your own bed. And you have to die in it.
It's uncomfortable for me to watch you roll around, roll around,
roll around in your own piss and shit.

It seemed so great when you could turn your head away.
Today is emptier than brilliant yesterday.
It looked so good but now it seems so bland
as you scrub all the grey blood right off your hands.
Track Name: Mission From God
MISSION FROM GOD.

I am on a MISSION FROM GOD.
To blow you away with the sound I came up with.
I am on a MISSION FROM GOD.
To blow you away with the song I came up with.

Can't sleep, got to go and play guitar.
No time for eating or the local bar.
The greatest love of all's inside of me.
Cockrock supershlock lobotomy.

I am on a mission from god
To blow you away with the sound I came up with
last night - I wasn’t even trying to
give the only gift worth giving you -
Wet dream soundtrack for the deaf and dumb.
The sound wave first - then you're the second thing to come.

I am on a MISSION FROM GOD.
We are on a MISSION FROM GOD.
We are on a MISSION FROM GOD.
We are on a MISSION FROM GOD.
Track Name: How I Ruined My Life with an Overactive Imagination
HOW I RUINED MY LIFE WITH AN OVERACTIVE IMAGINATION.

Stay away from me before I lose control
and spill my guts and ruin it for both of us.

The other night I went to the show.
On the off chance you might decide to go.

Stay away from me before I lose control
and spill my guts and ruin it for both of us.

I looked around and you were there
and I couldn't find the words to tell you
but at least I avoided this confession.

I am lying on the carpet of my old apartment floor.
And I am thinking myself in circles
like I've done a thousand times before.
You could starve yourself for seconds.
I could starve myself for days.
But the minute I stop my motion is the minute I sink away.

Stay away from me before I lose control
and spill my guts and ruin it for both of us.
You could never have me. I'm already taken.
I would never risk it. What if I'm mistaken?
Stay away from me before I lose control
and spill my guts and ruin it for both of us.
Track Name: Let the Exorcism Begin
LET THE EXORCISM BEGIN.

Your body is floating; it is hanging from your spine.
Your head is turning way past the 180-degree line.
I can't seem to change the station
from this Linda Blaire impersonation.

You can't change the water into wine.

Your eyes are swirling - rolling back into the dust;
a diorama, an exhibition of disgust.
I can't seem to place the blame,
but the ending's still the same.

You can't change the water into wine.

I want to help you but there really is no use.
Well you're possessed; at least you've got a good excuse.

Let the exorcism begin.
Track Name: The Bleeding Heart of Cement
THE BLEEDING HEART OF CEMENT

I thought that we'd be bound forever
because all opposites attract.
But my agoraphobic wet dream
is your claustrophobic panic attack.

It's so fair:

Stare into the bleeding heart of cement.

How does it bleed? I don't know.
Where will you go now? I don't care.
And as the ties are severed the solder melts
and quickly disappears.

And at the feast of anorexics
you made a toast to being thin.
At the time I was just bulemic
I had no name-tag but they still let me in.

It's so fair:

Stare into the bleeding heart of cement.

How does it bleed? I don't know.
Where will you go now? I don't care.
And as the ties are severed the solder melts
and quickly disappears.

Release me. But don't set me free.

There's such a surplus of concern
that it's a thrill to waste it.
Hold my hand each bridge.
Forever: I can almost taste it.

I had this horrible vision
that everything wound up okay.
Okay's for assholes and losers.
I'd rather burn out than rot out that way.

It's so fair:

Stare into the bleeding heart of cement.

How does it bleed? I don't know.
Where will you go now? I don't care.
And as the ties are severed the solder melts
and quickly disappears.

Disappears.
Disappears.
Disappears.
Disappears.
Disappears.
Disappears.
Track Name: Interoffice Copulation
INTEROFFICE COPULATION

Interoffice copulation, the fax machine makes love to me.
I didn’t mean to lick your nameplate,
there are some things that the minds not meant to see.

I’m giving birth to a whole new species
that lusts to fill every office need.
There’s a bonus in there somewhere for you;
foreplay, intercom, intercourse, interbreed.

Come in, come in, come out.

I was walking down the hallway
and I saw you standing by your cubicle.
And I wondered:
Where do you live?
What do you think about?
What would you look like if you were mating
on the xerox machine?

Interoffice copulation, the fax machine makes love to me.
I’m setting us on speakerphone.
There’s something that I’d like for you to see.

Come in, come in, come out.
Track Name: Signs and Symptoms
SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS

Clay can be shaped, but you're all nurse Ratchet sex appeal.
Smile and pretend that you never have been there; involved.

Kill it now while it's still squishy and it's vulnerable.
It's hanging from the corners of your mouth; it's like the turning worm.

Too late, you're a part of this horrible thing that we've all created.

Suck out the center, shlorp it down. Just play the game Harding.
It's hanging from the corners of your mouth; it's like the turning worm.

Too bad, you're a part of this horrible thing that we've all created.

Signs and symptoms. Symptoms and signs.

Clay can be shaped, but you're all nurse Ratchet sex appeal.
It's hanging from the corners of your mouth; it's like the turning worm.

Signs and symptoms. Symptoms, symptoms and signs.
Track Name: Dead Girlfriend
DEAD GIRLFRIEND

I have a collection of sharp objects.
Pencil, x-acto, ice pick, paring knife, next...

And if it sounds kind of ominous, it's because I'm gonna use it on your head.
Oh, no. Not another dead girlfriend. She's a friend of a friend of a dead girlfriend.

I have a collection of dead girlfriends.
Sarah, Molly, Meredith, Erin, Jen.

And if it sounds kind of obvious, it's because I'm gonna put them on my bed.
Oh no, not another dead girlfriend. She's a friend of a friend of a.
Track Name: Kilki
KILKI

As clear as brick as red as glass. I'm not afraid to call you dickhead. Dickhead. You should've been purified a long time ago; you should have been swept aside like the virginal snow. You should've been easier to kill you should have been filled with clearasil.

It's the end of the century, here you are coming on to me - don't you know that we're all going to die? In a fire ball of pain. But you shouldn't complain, that's armaggedeon. It's our manifest destiny; I swear to god you're derpressing me.

It's all going according to plan - I've shortened my attention span. Hand me the mayonnaise. Say please. Case closed. Space shuttle explodes. Don't you walk away from me when I'm talking to you. Until the message cuts through - Bow down to Kilki. To Kilki.
Track Name: Mistake
MISTAKE

I'm okay if you're not pissed.
And I'm not pissed if you're okay.

Mistake. It happens. And you were wrong. But I'll forgive you. In the same old way.

I'm willing to try just right. But you're fucking up your life. And I'm willing to try and mumble mumble mumble mumble etc.

There's got to be a better way.
There's got to be a better way.
There's got to be a better way.
There's got to be a better way.

There's got to be a better way.
There's got to be a better way.
There's got to be a better way.
There's got to be a better way.

There's got to be a better way.
There's got to be a better way.
There's got to be a better way.
There's got to be a better way.
BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS!

And I'm willing to try and mumble mumble mumble mumble etc.
Track Name: Glue Gun
GLUE GUN

Maybe I am way too ugly and my eyes are just dirt brown. But I will fix it all with the glue gun.

Put my fist into the mirror, wipe the lipstick from my lips, I could make good friends with the trash compactor or the trash incinerator. It's the greater of two evils, I could save the best 'till later, I could kiss the molten barrel of the glue gun.

Glue gun.
Track Name: Road to Flight
ROAD TO FLIGHT

Christmas ribbons, packing twine, extension cord or yarn.
Kite string, piano wire, guitar chord or rope.

A cat's paw, a larkshead, it's only a question of skill.
A clove hitch or a slip knot, it's only a matter of will.

All I need is a chandelier so I can go out in style.
And a chair to kick out from under me as I hang there with a smile.

Ten different knots that I can tie it's only a question of skill.
A rope, a hook, a chair, a note, it's only a matter of will.

I could slash my wrists or overdose on sleeping pills
but a hangman's noose is a hallmark card for the holiday that kills.

In the kitchen there's a carving knife.
Go cut me down and save my life.
But I'll never stay with you here.
There's a secret I'm wanting to share...
Forever means nothing.
Forever means nothing.
Forever means nothing on the road to flight.