The Corporate Secret

by Landspeedrecord!

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02:56
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released January 1, 1999

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Landspeedrecord! Baltimore, Maryland

LandSpeedRecord! was founded in 1996, a combination of the Baltimore post-punk bands OCTOPUS, GLAZERIDE, and BUTTSTEAK. LandSpeedRecord! is the parental unit and mental health physician of front person/guitarist Charley Jamison, drummer Marc Berrong, bassist Thomas Stehr, guitarists/noise-ists Ron Spencer and Nathan Bell. ... more

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Track Name: Interoffice Copulation
INTEROFFICE COPULATION

Interoffice copulation, the fax machine makes love to me.
I didn’t mean to lick your nameplate,
there are some things that the minds not meant to see.

I’m giving birth to a whole new species
that lusts to fill every office need.
There’s a bonus in there somewhere for you;
foreplay, intercom, intercourse, interbreed.

Come in, come in, come out.

I was walking down the hallway
and I saw you standing by your cubicle.
And I wondered:
Where do you live?
What do you think about?
What would you look like if you were mating
on the xerox machine?

Interoffice copulation, the fax machine makes love to me.
I’m setting us on speakerphone.
There’s something that I’d like for you to see.

Come in, come in, come out.
Track Name: Dead Girlfriend
DEAD GIRLFRIEND

I have a collection of sharp objects.
Pencil, x-acto, ice pick, paring knife, next...

And if it sounds kind of ominous, it's because I'm gonna use it on your head.
Oh, no. Not another dead girlfriend. She's a friend of a friend of a dead girlfriend.

I have a collection of dead girlfriends.
Sarah, Molly, Meredith, Erin, Jen.

And if it sounds kind of obvious, it's because I'm gonna put them on my bed.
Oh no, not another dead girlfriend. She's a friend of a friend of a.
Track Name: Now!
NOW! (by Ron Spencer/Charles Jamison)

NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW!

Despite my obligations, I still find time for all of this.

You can sell it, or just let it go, but believe me,
there's nothing more than right now!

Despite my obligations, I still find time for all of this.

You can sell out, or just let it go, but believe me,
there's nothing more than right now!

NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW!
Track Name: Freezie Poof
FREEZIEPOOF

When the trap is set and the bait is laid
it takes 'till 8 P.M. - the snake comes crawling out.

You're afraid that it's freezing again.

Sleep. Freeze.

When the time is right and the patrol car rolls on by
they're still mopping blood from off the counter tile.

You're afraid that it's freezing again.

Sleep. Freeze.

Slow time in a tender frame, it's the first time ever and you're freezing.
Mouth filled with Lidocaine, it's the last time ever and you're freezing up.

When the time is right and the paper's printed up
they're staring off the metro section
from ten year old high school photos.

You're afraid that it's freezing again.

Sleep. Freeze.
Track Name: Signs and Symptoms
SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS

Clay can be shaped, but you're all nurse Ratchet sex appeal.
Smile and pretend that you never have been there; involved.

Kill it now while it's still squishy and it's vulnerable.
It's hanging from the corners of your mouth; it's like the turning worm.

Too late, you're a part of this horrible thing that we've all created.

Suck out the center, shlorp it down. Just play the game Harding.
It's hanging from the corners of your mouth; it's like the turning worm.

Too bad, you're a part of this horrible thing that we've all created.

Signs and symptoms. Symptoms and signs.

Clay can be shaped, but you're all nurse Ratchet sex appeal.
It's hanging from the corners of your mouth; it's like the turning worm.

Signs and symptoms. Symptoms, symptoms and signs.
Track Name: The Maw
THE MAW (by Ron Spencer)

The Maw can see it all at once
the last thing you'll say is
when I close my eyes I see
the Maw can see it all at once
the last thing you'll say is
when I close my eyes I see the Maw.

I have seen this wretched man shaken by some god.
Is this not the man you were looking for?

The Maw.
Track Name: Chromatic God of Nostalgia
CHROMATIC GOD OF NOSTALGIA (by Ron Spencer)

I remember / Brainstem /
Post-it notes of bright metal, cars of many colors and alcohol.
Burning the candles of indifference.

I remember / Dogrug / Bloody islands of sucking pig-dogs
and hearts containing bottles of anti-alcohol.
For those belonging to the emperor.

Yes! No! Give me and answer! Don't wait around. / Significance? / Experience. /

I remember / Superhole / Subjunctive-pill-popping-excess;
the navel tease of hunger for novelty and ever and ever more novelty.

Yes! No! Give me and answer! Don't wait around. / Significance? / Experience.
Track Name: Viagra Orgy
VIAGRA ORGY

With sweaty hands you leave your apartment alone.
Your perscription’s filled, you’re seeing blue halos.

Welcome to the Viagra orgy, please leave your test results by the door.
Welcome to the Viagra orgy. Stripped and cleaned; inspected RiteAid whore.

You can check out. Anytime.

They stabbeth but they cannot kill themselves.

Welcome to the Viagra orgy, please leave your test results by the door.
Welcome to the Viagra orgy. I cannot supply you any more.
Track Name: RE: The Corporate Secret
RE:THE CORPORATE SECRET (Ron Spencer/Charles Jamison)

In regards to your immediate dismissal...
step into my office because you're fucking fired!
Ha, Ha, just kidding. There's a memo from the upper office.
Hmmm.... let's see here. You're fucking fired!

You're being charged with impersonating a human being.
You're being billed for the parking space you wasted.
And let me let you in on a little corporate secret...
come a little closer...You're fucking fired!